the real story

Hi, my name is Roxana and I decided to restart my life at 34 years old. I don’t know if this matters to you, or to the world out there, at all, but it does to me, and I feel the need to talk about it. Because maybe, just maybe, this story will resonate with you, too.

At 31 years old I was diagnosed with lymphoma cancer. I went through chemotherapy and all sorts of examinations and treatments, that is, hell. But I don’t want to talk about this. It’s not the real story. What matters is what happened next.

I survived. I quit my job. My money. My beautiful huge apartment. My car. My insurance. Even my follow-up appointments with doctors. Because, after the small but delightful hurricane that passed through my life, I learned that… well, many things really.

First, that life is short. Honestly. We hear this all the time, ALL the time, specially from adults. But understanding this cliché does not really happens until you shake hands with death, specially being so young.

Then I learned that what matters is our dreams. That is why when I quit everything, I came to France.

Let me tell you: I. am. Not. Rich. Not. At. All. Not even close. I was just a normal girl living in the tropics, with a nice job, and lovely cat (well, sort of, but I will talk about Risa later) and pretty much a normal life. (Insert « boring » if you feel that’s the right word). Until cancer said “Hello, stranger”. And then my life became fun, and up side down, if you must, and this black cloud ended up turning up my life in so many good ways. This is when I realized that I needed to change, that I needed to take risks, that what I wanted more than anything was to have no regrets.

And, luckily (this adverb is still small to me), I did it! I came here. Oh la la!

Also, very, very important: I learned not to not take things for granted. Have you ever said “I love you” first? Have you ever traveled by yourself? Have you ever said “thank you”? Have you ever been honest with someone? With yourself? Also, listen, if you think you are fat, or sad, or unlucky, listen to me, please: YOU CAN DO IT! YOU CAN CHANGE! (And trust me when I say that I KNOW that it is easier said than done). But, you have got this! Stop wasting time and believe in yourself! Here is another cliché: (But) it’s true when people say that the mind is a powerful instrument, and every negative thought, no matter how small, how indifferent you think it might be, it isn’t! We all have bad moments. I mean. I had a large bad moment that lasted 3 years. BUT, as my lovely, intelligent, wisest, author, ex-boss, beautiful woman, friend and soon mom-to-be would say to me: “This too, shall pass”. And it did! And it will for you, too!

Life is in the small things. The little things. Ants walking in the sidewalk. Trees dancing to the rhythm of the wind. People walking down the street. You know, those things! So, do yourself a favor and stop watching social media all the time, stop saying that you are fat (even when you only weight 120 pounds), stop envying rich people, stop envy. Stop.

Go out there into life. To the beach. Go read a book, the real ones (because they STILL and WILL continue to exist), meditate, and do the things you always wanted and dreamed of doing. I know there is the issue money. Believe me. I KNOW. I am broke right now and these past two weeks I have applied to millions of jobs and sent millions of resumes (ok, not that much, but you get it). I am working for it. I’m in action mode. And this is no secret. This is how life works: you working for it, to get it. So go! The time is now! Because, truly, what scared me the most when I was diagnosed, it wasn’t dying, it was dying young without getting the chance to live my dream, which was to live in this country. Don’t ask me why, I just knew since I was 20 years old when I came to visit Paris, I knew in my heart, in my bones, that I wanted to come here. To live. To learn French. To have this experience. And, quick note: It doesn’t have to be a big experience. If you always dreamed of eating ice cream, naked, during the winter, in the middle of the snow, well, honey, go and do it!

Moi, voilà! Heureusement, je peux dire que j’ai réussi! It has been the greatest experience of my life! And in the words of the most poetic, strong, and beautiful French woman singer Edith Piaf: “Je ne regrette rien”.

…And this goes with saying: I’m scared, and vulnerable, and sensitive, and aware of every little thing, every single day. Sometimes I’m in anguish, sometimes I feel hysterical. And there is only one reason for this: It’s because I am human, because I am not perfect, because these feelings are normal. Life and healing are not lineal (those are more than one reasons, even better!). But I believe I’m also magical, and charming, and beautiful. And, the most important thing is that after feeling sad, or miserable, and after crying: I get up, I smile, and I show up. I show up!


My name is Roxana, I’m almost 35 years old and I can’t believe that I have been given a second chance, that I get to wake up in this small, cold but cozy apartment, with almost no money, to go to an incredible beautiful art school, to meet the most wonderful and cool team of professors, to create very humble art, sometimes even criticized as naive or fetishist (LOL) but, who cares! I get to live this life, I get to breathe the wind (even if it’s cold), I get to walk in this charming French city, I get to watch the sunrises and sunsets, I get to watch the Loire and the birds flying over it, I get to meet new people with interesting stories, I get to stop and smell the flowers, I get to create things, I get to feel things, I get to live my dream, I get to live, to really live! And this, my beautiful world out there, is what matters the most to me, and what I wanted to share. So, so be it…