Happiness is a gift and the trick is not to expect it but to delight in it when it comes. And to add to other people’s store of it.
Charles Dickens (February 7, 1812–June 9, 1870) in Nicholas Nickleby
Happy/Miserable
Your life begins when you decide it begins. You should not wait for anyone or anything to be happy. Happiness shouldn't be postponed or put into hold while you do other things. Those are just excuses. Decide to be happy now, and be happy. It's simple.
I learned all of this a little late, but I had a lot of time to meditate about it while I was recuperating from a cancer diagnosis and treatment.
Thankfully, life gave me another chance.
But I don't want to talk about my shitty months and all the pain I suffered physically and emotionally.
I want to talk about my rebirth, and about happiness.
What is happiness?
I actually started this blog last year as an experiment to explore what happiness was and why was I happy while traveling in France and why was I sad (feeling miserably is more likely) here in Puerto Rico. The truth is I didn't like my life, the relationship I was in, or my job... I was attached to this amount of stress and bullshit and fast eating life that simply was not me. Inside my heart and mind, I was falling apart; I felt frustrated and hopeless.
I needed to change but before I gave the step towards it, life gave it for me first. I was diagnosed and life told me to stop and be quiet. And so I did for a couple of months.
Last May, I was finally diagnosed in remission but it wasn't until last weekend that I felt truly cured and healthy.
The Rebirth
So, last weekend I did something totally out of my comfort zone and went by myself on a 2hr road trip to Rincón to meet my dearest friend Estefanía. She was staying there over the weekend with her boyfriend and his friend (two handsome, cool and fun guys from The Neatherlands).
The moment I decided to do the road trip was the exact same moment I decided to be happy and to feel free... And for the first time in months, probably years, I felt alive.
I was taking action and embracing a conversation I had had with the guys the weekend before. We were talking about life and about doing things out of our comfort zones. Each one of us mentioned what made us feel unease and I said public speaking. Yeah, but apart from that, there were other silly little things that made me feel uncomfortable and hesitant such as going by myself on a road trip and/or getting lost on the road, which, when I thought about it, was a stupid "fear" 'cause just last year I traveled to Florence, Italy all alone!
So, I set aside my stupid worries and took the keys and went with it.
Main goals: to meet my friends and to go the beach.
Because of the treatment and medication I was getting during the pasts months, I couldn't sunbathe. And so, the-most-awaited-day-of-my-life finally happened in Rincón: After almost a year, I had the blissful chance to feel the ocean caressing my whole body again. The water was warm and welcoming, the sun was shy but exquisite; I hadn't felt so happy and so lucky in such a long time... In fact, the last time I felt this extremely pure feeling of happiness was when I went to the Louvre by myself last year... My heart was pounding so fast and I felt like a shooting star, like I could do anything in life, like I was watching life from a baby's eyes...
...And thus, this was the true rebirth moment: me being baptized by the ocean and the beautiful sunset which filled me with pure joy.
Mooi Weekend
The two days I spent with Estefanía and the guys were full of smiles, food, dancing, mosquitoes, rain, thunderstorms, a famous basket ball player, home cooking, coffee, sea salt, clouds, book exchanges, a super american dinner, a beautiful sunset, lots of conversations, advises, and life reflections.
The things I will treasure the most about this weekend are:
-The utterly, inexplicable feeling of aliveness I felt in my heart.
-Laughter. I hadn't laughed so much and so loud in so much time.
-And Love.
Estefanía and her boyfriend (lovely Didi) (and as clishé as it sounds) made me believe in love again. The pure one. I am so happy they found each other and I thank them for filling my life with hope.
I will also treasure the conversations I had with Didi's friend (lovely Valli). He never stopped surprising me during the road trip. And alas, I had the pleasure of exchanging books with him. Small-gestures-that-always-melt-my-heart.
Happiness is
What I learned about happiness: it is magical and fleeting. It is a state of mind. Happy is a decision; it’s about enjoying the simple things of life, really. Don’t waste time doing things you don’t like or hang with people you don’t really like or connect with. Most importantly, One must believe in happiness in order to feel it, experiment it, delight in it. One must believe that each one of us deserves happiness and love. So, grab it, hug it, and let it fill you completely... It doesn't matter if you are alone or among friends, you deserve to be happy. It'simple. Take-a-step-towards-it-now (don't let life take it for you). Life is short, remember. So, take the keys, take the flight, and go with it!
the end or a new beginning
The weekend, naturally, had to come to and end, but the memories of it will forever stay within me.
May this be an exciting new beginning and may our stories continue...
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Dedicated to: Stephi, Didi, & Valli. Thanks for a great weekend!
